Communication can be difficult . . . even in your native language.  Here are actual signs posted across America and England.

In a dry cleaner:

We do not tear your clothing with machinery.  We do it carefully by hand. 

At a convention:

For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, there is a day care center on the first floor.

At a camera store:

One Hour Photos Ready In 20 Minutes

At a clothing store:

Men's wool suits--$10.  They won't last an hour.

At a post office:

This Door Is Not To Be Used As An Exit Or An Entrance

At a church:

No trespassing without permission.

At a basketball court:

Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended.

At a golf course:

All persons caught collecting balls on this course will be prosecuted and have their balls removed.

In a bookstore:

Rare, out-of-print, and non-existent books

In a pizza parlor:

Open 24 hours except 2 a.m. to 8 a.m.

At a campsite:

Ice Cream Toilets

At a drugstore:

Why be cheated elsewhere when you can come here?

At a general store:

We buy junk and sell antiques.

At a department store:

Our bikinis are exciting--they are simply the Tops.

In a pharmacy:

We dispense with accuracy.

At a tire shop:

My boss told me to put something on the sign.

Taken from Uncle John's Fast-Acting, Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader